Barack Obama is a rock star.

Also check out change.gov.

One Step Forward

Obama’s victory represents a great turning point in the history of our country. In my mind, America is finally putting our money where our mouth is: Equal opportunity is not just a catch phrase anymore. Obama is also the first president in the history of our nation who knows what it means to be on the outside, who has been hated or feared based on appearances alone. For people like me, this subtle truth has even deeper significance than any political platform. It is a shift in the spirit of this country that brings us a little bit closer to that day spoken of by men like Marin Luther King Jr. The day when people will be seen as people; not black or white, not Christian or Muslim, not gay or straight – just people.

It is the first time in eight years I have felt legitimately optimistic.

One Step Backward

In more tragic news, California’s proposition 8 seems to have passed, which eliminates the right of same-sex couples to marry. This one really hurts. The free-thinking people of California just got our collective ass handed to us by the fundies. Just when I was starting to look forward to living in a civilized part of the country, where all men and women are treated equally under the law, where politics is not driven by by fear and bigotry… damn. Now it looks like I will have to wait a little longer.

I still believe you can never have selective equality. You cannot pick and choose which people get which rights in a free society. I still believe someday we will realize this.

Seldom have I been so elated and so depressed at the same time.

Edit (Nov. 5, 18:36):

There is a good piece on Prop 8, and the nature of California politics, here.

Recently I realized two things.

1. I should not at this time be searching for answers.
2. Since I am here now, I have to do something, regardless of any cosmic purpose it may or may not play into.

The first one is especially difficult for me, as it means breaking with one of the fundamental pillars of my self-identity for the past 28 years. It is not so simple a matter as just turning it off… I will try a symbolic death/rebirth ritual soon and see if that works.

In Februrary of this year I had a revelation. In fact, this particular revelation represented the culmination of my life-long quest for knowledge. Not to say that I know everything, but I found the answer I had been seeking. I answered the question that had been the source of all my other questions.

You might think I’d be happy. Hah. It turns out knowledge is not quite the same as enlightenment. In the same moment that I became totally confident in my ability to achieve any goal I desired, I also lost faith in my ability to make any lasting or meaningful change. In short, I had a serious falling-out with my sense of purpose.

I became rather depressed and more than a little withdrawn. I had no clear concept of what I wanted or where I should be focusing my efforts. I use the past tense, but actually I am still feeling this way to some degree.

Of course there is a period of re-adjustment when a lifelong goal  is acheived and nothing fills its place. I am also feeling that my incessant drive to question everything is no longer serving my best interests; my mind is just chasing its own tail. Perhaps I have been thinking so much for so long that I have forgotten how to be happy.

Two weeks ago I attended the Twilight III conference in Seattle, and met some interesting people. The experience ‘nudged’ me enough to get me out of the emotional and mental rut I had been stuck in. At least, partially out. I really do not know yet where to go from here, but I cannot stay where I am.

More later.

I finally finished the book I started reading four years ago. I began reading the Brothers Karamazov in Boston just before I moved to California. I had checked it out from the library, and when I moved of course had to give it back. After the move it was some time before I started reading again, so I went ot the library in Martinez and checked it out again. I did not like this version as much as the one I had in Boston, so finally I found a copy in a used book store. I was still reading fairly slowly… and then I moved again. Once again it was a long time before I got settled and started reading. In the meantime, I had other books I wanted to read sooner, and so… Let’s just say it took me two years to read the last third of this book.

Never has it felt like such an accomplishment to say “I read that” instead of “I am reading that”.

Ok, let’s see what is next on my reading list…

I finally succeeded in going to Buena Vista Cafe last night with my brother. He happened to be in North Beach, and that is all the excuse I needed. Buena Vista has been on my list of places to visit ever since my uncle mentioned they were the first place to serve Irish Coffee in the US and suggested I check it out. They do indeed lay historical claim to that beverage.

I have to admit, it was a pretty good Irish Coffee. Simple, but the cream on top was somehow frothed just right so as to not sink, and balance out the bitterness of the coffee and whiskey. It was the best Irish Coffee I’ve had (out of three places I’ve ordered it so far), and better than I’ve been able to make at home… so I might have to try it again

On the other hand, Irish Coffee is not my favorite drink at the moment so maybe I will just take the “exploring my own home city” points and be satisfied with that.

In Lewis Carroll’s “Through the Looking Glass”, when Alice first meets the Red Queen, they run and run until poor Alice is exhausted, but they end up in the same place they started. The Red Queen tells Alice that on this side of the looking glass, you have to run very fast to stay put; otherwise who knows where you will end up? As Alice explores the world beyond the mirror, she discovers that many things are the opposite of what she expects.

I have that feeling a lot. I know my view of the world - of life, of death, and many other things -  is different than most people. Once I wondered what it would feel like to suddenly wake up on the other side of the looking glass. Just as suddenly, I realized I already was. The so-called “normal world” is the world of opposites to me. I have learned how to blend in there. I know how to act, and what not to say, and yet…

Every time I interact with that world, the only world most people ever know, I feel like I am running to stand still.

You really must read this.

As the title suggests, I got a haircut. I was envisioning leaving it a little longer, but on the other hand, it looks pretty good. In case you are curious, I went to “David & Friends” salon, on Bush Street, very near my apartment.

I have not decided if I will keep it short (the problem with that is I have to keep getting it cut), or grow it out again. I kind of like long-ish hair, but it had gotten a little bit too long and was kind of hard to manage. I might try to keep it shoulder-length or so. For now, I kind of enjoy the feel of something different.

Here’s what it looks like:

This time it is Leopard. Yes, I finall installed Apple OS 10.5. It’s kind of neat in some ways. I love spaces, which lets you have multiple “desktops” with different things on them. And yes, it’s been around for a long time. I remember using it many years ago on a Unix machine. I remember downloading some third-party apps that were supposed to do the same thing on a mac, but all kind of sucked. Finally, it is built into the system and works, and also looks slick. In fact, if you switch to an application in the dock, it will automatically go to the “space” you have that application open in.

Stacks are also neat. It basically lets you access any folder as a pop-up menu from the dock. Handy for internet downloads and such.

Time machine I haven’t tried yet, nor any of the snazzy new iChat features. Mail.app and iCal now have all the functionality of Microsoft Outlook, in that you can send meeting invites that get automatically added to the calendar, have pop-up reminders, and even create to-do lists in mail.app. Plus you can add stationary, or “annoying background pictures on all your email”, if that’s your thing.

There are a couple things that annoy me. For example, the security settings for email always seem to need to be re-set, which requires typing in my password two or three times every time I start up email. That means I am just going to turn the bloody thing off. Also, there is a pop-up warning every time you try to try to open a downloaded application. It says “this application was downloaded from the internet. Are you sure you want to open it?”
“Nah. I think I’ll just download a bunch of stuff and it can sit there forever…”

The most annoying part of that, is that I have not found a way to turn it off yet.

Also,  I was warned that some application have conflicts. The only one that will not work for me is Yahoo instant messenger; not exactly the end of the world. So far I am pretty happy with the latest in the large-cat-named operating systems.